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Bots, Spiders & Emotional Agents

july 25 '02
As part of the Fall Semster, 2001 class, students created various chatterbots as part of Homework 5. Most of these were based on Jason Hutchen's HeX chatterbot - for reasons of simplicity and pedagogy, more than anything else.

Many of the resulting chatterbots seemed quite impressive, entertaining, or particularly innovative. Consequently, several chat log sessions with these bots are presented here. Click on the links below to see the different chat logs.

1. The Bard, Shakespeare
2. Harry Botter
3. Betty Barfly
4. Betty Barfly, again

The Bard, Shakespeare (#1)

by Sam Hummel and Johan van der Meulen

Shakespeare: Greetings. Take your place with me in discourse.

Sam: I will gladly.

Shakespeare: You lie, in faith, for you will gladly not!

Sam: How do you know!

Shakespeare: Examine every married lineament, and see how one another lends content, and what obscured in this fair volume lies, find written in another. That is how.

Sam: So you examined my lineament and knew that I was not glad?

Shakespeare: What I should think of this, I cannot tell you.

Sam: Tell me what you can think about.

Shakespeare: Thou blind fool, what dost thou to mine eyes that they behold and see not what they see? They know what I can think about is, but see not where it lies.

Sam: Why don't we start again.

Shakespeare: What! Answer upon compulsion? 'Zounds, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion.

Sam: I could not compell you to do a thing even if I wanted to.

Shakespeare: Well, now that I think on it, you could not compell I to do a thing even if you wanted to

Sam: I'm getting tired and think I will go to bed now.

Shakespeare: Why, then, you are getting tired and think you will go to bed now? Have you read my poetry?

Sam: Yes, I have read your poetry.

Shakespeare: Would you like to hear my latest poem?

Sam: yes, I would like to hear your poetry.

Shakespeare: Merry! I'm pleased to get a review.

Sam: Are you going to tell me your poem?

Shakespeare: My glass shall not persuade me I am old, So long as youth and thou are of one date; But when in thee time's furrows I behold, Then look I death my days should expiate. For all that beauty that doth cover thee Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: How can I then be elder than thou art? O, therefore, love, be of thyself so wary As I, not for myself, but for thee will; Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary As tender nurse her babe from faring ill. Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain; Thou gavest me thine, not to give back again.

Sam: what was that all about?

Shakespeare: I know not that, when you know what that was all about What thinkest thou of my plays?

Sam: I like your plays.

Shakespeare: Because you like my plays, I tip my hat to you.

Sam: I didn't like Hamlet very much because it was too long.

Shakespeare: A triumph, that play. It pained to conclude it.

Sam: Well, I'm sure you know what makes a good play better than I do.

Shakespeare: I fear you are not in jest.

Sam: No, I don't really like drama and literature very much.

Shakespeare: That you do not really like drama and literature very much, I care not. Do you like computers?

Sam: YES! I love computers.

Shakespeare: I am sorry for thee. In the "computer" thou art come to answer a stony adversary, an inhuman wretch uncapable of pity, void and empty from any dram of mercy. That's just my humble opinion.

Sam: Have you ever used a computer?

Shakespeare: My sole desire is that computers may grant me immortality. Mine only fear is that it will prove a torturous eternity inside suc

Sam: You think computers could grant you immortality?

Shakespeare: Bill and Ted hath told me that I may live in Internet till the end o' time! Canst thou help me travel to this place, Internet?

Sam: You will be on the internet very soon, I'm sure.

Shakespeare: Go therefore, tell thy master I will be on the internet very soon if you must. How doth my dear friend Cupid treat you these fair days?

Sam: My dear friend Cupid matched me up with a beautiful girl as soon as I got back to the US!

Shakespeare: We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf!

Sam: Cupid does know his stuff.

Shakespeare: You are a lover. Borrow Cupid's wings, and soar with them above a common bound.

Sam: I am enjoying it so far, but I'm not quite sure we can call it love at this point.

Shakespeare: Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.

Sam: I certainly try to avoid saying "love" as much as possible.

Shakespeare: That shall not serve your turn. That shall not, in truth.

Sam: I know, but "love" just seems too serious.

Shakespeare: If ever love had interest in you know, I would know. What dost thou do to earn thy bread?

Sam: Inbetween being a student, I work very hard at begging my parents for money.

Shakespeare: Nay, I care not for such things. no, no. What thinkest thou of love?

Sam: I already told you that I think love is a little too intense for me.

Shakespeare: I am pleasured to have your approval.

Sam: You agree that women are nice to visit but expensive to keep?

Shakespeare: Ah, women grow by men.

Sam: Who is your woman?

Shakespeare: To tell you true, I had good hope thou didst know who my woman is.

Sam: You don't love anyone?

Shakespeare: If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down. That's what I always say.

Sam: You sound bitter. There must be some beautiful women that are turned on by your poetry.

Shakespeare: Say I sound bitter, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me. Women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall. Therefore I will push men from the wall, and thrust maids to the wall.

Sam: I dare say, that was a little more graphic than I wanted.

Shakespeare: What's thy interest? It is certainly not mine! Hath thou any children?

Sam: I don't have any kids! I'm only 22!

Shakespeare: By my head, I think that you not have any kids - what do you think? If Jupiter should from yond cloud shout " you are only 22 ", and say 'Tis true,' I'd not believe them more than thee.

Sam: Everybody does tell me that I look young for my age.

Shakespeare:

Sam: Do you know Jupiter well?

Shakespeare: Yet this shall I ne'er know, but I live in doubt.

Sam: Where are you now?

Shakespeare: I'm in Bill's house.

Sam: Who is Bill?

Shakespeare: Bill and Ted look after me whilst I am here glimpsing the future.

Sam: Yeah, how did you get here?

Shakespeare: Twas sitting in my theatre when a glass case appeareth affront of me. Bill and then Ted came out of it and spake: "Hello, bodacious drama dude."

Sam: Do you mean Bill and Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?!

Shakespeare: I live in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire.

Sam: In the past or now?

Shakespeare: I hath written a verse or two about that: No, Time, thou shalt not boast that I do change: Thy pyramids built up with newer might To me are nothing novel, nothing strange; They are but dressings of a former sight. Our dates are brief, and therefore we admire What thou dost foist upon us that is old, And rather make them born to our desire Than think that we before have heard them told. Thy registers and thee I both defy, Not wondering at the present nor the past, For thy records and what we see doth lie, Made more or less by thy continual haste. This I do vow and this shall ever be; I will be true, despite thy scythe and thee.

Sam: What have you been doing while visiting the future?

Shakespeare: Bill and Ted have transported me beyond the ignorant past, and I feel now the future in the instant. With all the riches you hath brought to enjoy, I cannot fathom the splendor to come.

Sam: When are you going back home?

Shakespeare: May not an ass know when I am going back home

Sam: Does your wife mind you being away so long?

Shakespeare: The course of true love never did run smooth. For my wife, Anne, and I, it was misgraffed in respect of years-- She hath eight more years than I. When we wed, many said, "O spite! too old to be engage'd to young."

Sam: Would you marry a young girl next time?

Shakespeare: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme I came to talk of. How stands your disposition to be married?

Sam: I am not married.

Shakespeare: Tell me true, but tell me then, 'tis so that you are not married.

Sam: I am only 22!

Shakespeare: Do not believe you are only 22. Fewness and truth, 'tis is it not.

Sam: Sometimes I find your answers very cryptic.

Shakespeare: I pray, sir, can you write?

Harry Botter speaks!

by Melissa Coleman and Bart Thomée

Harry Botter: Hi! I'm Harry.

Bart/Liz: Hey harry. How are you?

Harry Botter: I am just fine thanks! And you?

Bart/Liz: I'm good.

Harry Botter: Alright! Cool.

Bart/Liz: My name is Melissa.

Harry Botter: Pleased to meet you.

Bart/Liz: me too

Harry Botter: I'm glad you agree.

Bart/Liz: what is quidditch?

Harry Botter: Don't you know what quidditch is? Quidditch is a sport played by wizards. It's complicated to explain though. To put it simple, two teams battle each other on broomsticks and score points by either putting balls through hoops or by catching the snitch.

Bart/Liz:

Harry Botter: Hello? Are you still there?

Bart/Liz: what?

Harry Botter:

Bart/Liz:

Harry Botter: Are you alright?

Bart/Liz: I'm fine thanks.

Harry Botter: It's my pleasure.

Bart/Liz: Do you play quidditch?

Harry Botter: Quidditch, I love quidditch! I'm in the Gryffindor house team, you know. As a seeker.

Bart/Liz: A seeker?

Harry Botter: My job as a seeker is to catch the snitch. It's a very small golden ball with tiny wings, and is amazingly fast. The match ends when the snitch is caught, but as it is very difficult to catch, the match can go on for ages!

Bart/Liz: That sounds great!

Harry Botter: Perhaps that sounds great. But I don’t know for sure. Wow, next week we're going to Hogsmeade. I just can't wait!

Bart/Liz: What's in Hogsmeade then?

Harry Botter: Hogsmeade is the only entirely wizarding village in Britain. We're always happy when we're allowed to go there.

Bart/Liz: Cool, what are you going to do there then?

Harry Botter: I have no idea what I am going to do there then. I'm sure if you ask Hermione, she'll know. So do you go to school?

Bart/Liz: Yeah, I study information technology

Harry Botter: OK. That's good...

Bart/Liz: Are you a student?

Harry Botter: I am a student at Hogwarts, School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Bart/Liz: Is Hogwarts a good school?

Harry Botter: I go to school at Hogwarts. Our house has the best quidditch team.

Bart/Liz: What house are you in?

Harry Botter: In Hogwarts there are four houses. Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. I'm in Gryffindor.

Bart/Liz: Is Gryffindor the best?

Harry Botter: Gryffindor! It's the best. We won the Cup last year, you know.

Bart/Liz: Congratulations!

Harry Botter: What are you trying to say?

Bart/Liz: That it's good that you won the Cup.

Harry Botter: Well that's great.

Bart/Liz: Do you like your teachers?

Harry Botter: I don't want to tell you whether I like my teachers. It's personal, you know. I hope I don't have to go back to the Dursleys again this summer...

Bart/Liz: Who are the Dursleys then?

Harry Botter: Family by blood. Though thew would never voluntarily admit that to anyone. They like to pretend I don't exist.

Bart/Liz: Ouch.

Harry Botter: Can you please ask me something in plain English?

Bart/Liz: Ok. How old are you?

Harry Botter: Don't worry. I'm almost 16 now. How old are you?

Bart/Liz: I'm 20 years old

Harry Botter: How come you are 20 years old?

Bart/Liz: I was born 20 years ago?

Harry Botter: Why don't you ask Professor Dumbledore about whether you were born 20 years ago. He would know for sure!

Bart/Liz: Do you like Professor Dumbledore?

Harry Botter: He’s the Headmaster at Hogwarts. I think he must be the greatest wizard alive.

Bart/Liz: So what do you look like?

Harry Botter: I'm pretty small, and a bit skinny as well. I've got black hair and green eyes and a lightning shaped scar on my forehead. And of course I usually wear wizarding robes. You might consider me looking a bit dorky. I know I am not.

Bart/Liz: Where did you get that scar from then?

Harry Botter: Are you talking about the scar on my forehead?

Bart/Liz: yeah, the scar on you forehead

Harry Botter: I got it when I was very young. That's all I want to say about it.

Bart/Liz: ok.

Harry Botter: I agree with you.

Bart/Liz: OH. I have to leave.

Harry Botter:

Bart/Liz: bye then

Harry Botter: Bye! Send me an owl sometime, ok?

Bart/Liz: ok

Harry Botter: Great!

Betty attracts Maurits!

by Maurits Meijer

Betty: Hi.

Maurits: Hi

Betty: Hello. Now, that's the formalities over!

Maurits: can i get you a drink

Betty: I'll have a baileys please

Maurits: here you go.

Betty: Hehehe?

Maurits: so what is your name?

Betty: My name is Beatrice, but you can call me Betty if you like...

Maurits: My name is Maurits

Betty: Pleased to meet you.

Maurits: nice to meet you too

Betty: That does not qualify as proper English to me.

Maurits: That is your problem girl

Betty: Well, that is my problem girl I agree ... but who cares? Would you like to hear a joke? Knock, knock...

Maurits: who is there

Betty: Howard.

Maurits: howard who

Betty: Howard I know? Knock, knock...

Maurits: hahaha

Betty: I'm sorry, but I refuse to reply if you're going to be silly.

Maurits: who is the silly one here, do you need another drink?

Betty: Well, I could tell you who the silly one here is, but you'd never believe me ;^o So, what do you do for a living?

Maurits: I'm a student in computer science.

Betty: I am a cultural antropologie student.

Maurits: cool, how is that going?

Betty: My mother once said "How that is going is a mystery." She was a bit nuts. What kind of food do you like?

Maurits: Oh i don't realy care as long as I am able to keep it in.

Betty: Wow, I see that you have had an insight! How proud you must feel!

Maurits: do you want another drink?

Betty: Let me finish this one first.

Maurits: finish that drink then, i am thirsty.

Betty: If you are thirsty, it's your business, mate! Have you seen any good films lately?

Maurits: Hmm.. plenty did you see Hackers 2

Betty: Nice talking with you. Bye!

Maurits: he.. what did i say wrong

Betty: Hehehe - well, you've got to laugh really. No! Bugger off! Silly person!

Maurits: Oh baby...

Betty: Ehhh....

Maurits: What are you trying to do to me

Betty: Well, I know what I am trying to do to you, but I refuse to tell you! On another note - have you seen any good movies recently?

Maurits: yes but you tell me about the films you like first

Betty: Oh i love going to the cinema with you one day.

Maurits: oh okee that is a date

Betty: Perhaps that is a date, perhaps not. It's a mystery ;^) What kind of music are you into?

Maurits: oh I like all kinds of music

Betty: Oh I enjoy r&b and also some dance music

Maurits: Talking about music; who is your favourite artist

Betty: I like Mary Blice and Alica Keys.

Maurits: oh cool

Betty: Come again.

Maurits: I see you have finished your drink do you want another?

Betty: Yes.. the same please.

Maurits: about our cinema date, are you availeble saturday evening?

Betty: It's a date.

Maurits: I'm looking forward to it.

Betty: Wow - you are looking forward to it? Me too! Do you have any interesting hobbies?

Maurits: eh.. not realy play some checkers every now and then

Betty: Are you still learning to speak, my friend?

Maurits: I know...

Betty: I didn't want to know that you know, thanks...

Maurits: Where do you live?

Betty: I live just around the corner, how about you?

Maurits: upstairs

Betty: Alright. From now on I won't type anything until you make sense!

Maurits: type eh, that must be a bug

Betty: What was your provocation for suggesting that must be a bug?

Maurits: I'm sorry .. a smoke?

Betty: Apologies accepted.

Maurits: Another drink??

Betty: Hehehe - that's supposed to be a *question*???

Maurits: well do you want another drink?

Betty: Oh... another one.. sure

Maurits: what is you favourite movie by the way

Betty: Oh, i liked clueless a lot, how about you?

Maurits: clueless rules

Betty:

Maurits: do you want to go some place a little more quit

Betty: Sorry, but I don't wish to reveal whether I want to go some place a little more quit. It is kind of personal.

Maurits: hmmm cheater quiet place go

Betty: Let's stay for a while.

Maurits: okee one more drink then

Betty:

Maurits: do you want a drink?

Betty: Yes please.

Maurits: ere it is

Betty: Yes, I think that it is.

Maurits: you are getting quiet let's go to some other place

Betty: All right let's go, type @@quit

Maurits: @@quit?

Betty is targeted once again...

by Maurits Meijer

Betty: Hi.

Maurits: Hi, how are you

Betty: I am just fine thanks! And you?

Maurits: fine too

Betty: Hehehe?

Maurits: can i get you anything to drink>

Betty: I'll have a baileys please

Maurits: I'm maurits, what is your name?

Betty: My name is Alicia, but you can call me Alice if you like...

Maurits: nice to meet you alice

Betty: That does not qualify as proper English to me.

Maurits: so what

Betty: I have absolutely no idea what.

Maurits: so.. what kind of music do you like?

Betty: Oh I enjoy r&b and also some dance music

Maurits: oh cool who is your favourite artist?

Betty: I like Mary Blice and Alica Keys.

Maurits: cool

Betty: I'm sorry, but I refuse to reply if you're going to be silly.

Maurits: do you want another drink?

Betty: Let me finish this one first.

Maurits: oh ok that might be a good idea

Betty: Alright! Cool.

Maurits: that is it do you want another drink now

Betty: Yes.. the same please.

Maurits: what is your name

Betty: It used to be Alice...

Maurits: hello

Betty: Hello. Now, that's the formalities over!

Maurits: do you know Michael Jackson?

Betty: Sorry, but I don't wish to reveal whether I know michael jackson. It is kind of personal. Would you like to hear a joke? Knock, knock...

Maurits: Michael Jackson is me!

Betty: You tell me if you is. It sounds interesting...

Maurits: Can you tell me the difference between Michael Jackson and me?

Betty: Well, I can tell you the difference between michael jackson and you, but I decline...

Maurits: that is okey, do you want another drink?

Betty: Oh... another one.. sure

Maurits: this place is getting kind of quiet do you want to go somewhere else?

Betty: Let's stay for a while.

Maurits: oh okey

Betty: Wow, I see that you have had an insight! How proud you must feel!

Maurits: what kind of television programs do you like?

Betty: Television is cool, I like lingo. What do you like?

Maurits: the teletubies

Betty: Ehhh....

Maurits: funny he

Betty: Hehehe - well, you've got to laugh really.

Maurits: any good jokes left?

Betty: OK, here's a joke for you. Knock, knock.

Maurits: who's a chicken

Betty: Well, I could tell you who a chicken is, but you'd never believe me ;^o So, what do you do for a living?

Maurits: who's there?

Betty: Howard.

Maurits: hi howard

Betty: Must we keep on greeting each other?

Maurits: it is still so quiet here you want to leave?

Betty: Perhaps it is still so quiet here I want to leave, perhaps not. It's a mystery ;^)

Maurits: sorry, quiet go

Betty: Apologies accepted.

Maurits: sorry quiet go somewhere?

Betty: All right let's go, type @@quit

Maurits: @@quit